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| Milk Coma |
I'm in the process of writing up Logan's Birth Story but in between feeding, changing and uncovering what it really means to be a new Mum it's taking longer than I anticipated.
He's a very fussy baby at night as well, we're slowly learning tricks to get him to sleep but it's definitely taking it's toll. So far we've found swaddling him in Wombies (those zip up sleeping bags with no arm holes) is good, so is sleeping on his tummy (but I'd kill myself if anything happened to him because of SIDS so we don't do that unless we're watching him non-stop), having him in our room seems to be sort of ok but I think what we need to try next is a radio on low or something because he completely passes out during the day when everything is noisy and in the nursery he was used to the noise and the radio as well. If anyone has any other suggestions though I would love to hear them!
My cousin suggested doing a dream feed at 10pm and following the Save Our Sleep but I really don't want to be on a strict schedule...then again maybe that is what he needs.
It's amazing how much you're unaware of what being a mother actually entails and what raising a newborn is all about. For example I thought that breastfeeding would be relatively easy - how wrong I was. I wouldn't go so far as to say I hate it but I definitely don't get the joy out of it that lots of other mothers seem to get. It doesn't help that he won't latch on without a nipple shield and that I got mastitis in one boob plus the leaking drives me crazy (although at least it isn't waterfalls any more like it was when I was pumping & feeding him in the nursery). I also swore I'd never give my baby a dummy (pacifier) or bottle and both those things have gone out the window. Hubby helps me out with feedings because I've got so much milk expressed and he'll bottle feed him and yesterday I bottle fed him because my cousin & her partner were over for a visit and I didn't feel comfortable breastfeeding in front of them. I've booked myself in at the Breastfeeding Centre attached to the hospital so hopefully they'll be able to help me out (or at least get us on track to get rid of the nipple shield) because at the moment I'm counting down the days until I can stop breastfeeding and I've barely even begun!
My darling Jess, all of our experiences are different so I cannot tell you a magic anecdote that will make everything better. What I can tell you is what I wish someone would have been able to tell me if they had some kind of esp and ability to foresee the future. I hope some of it is of use to you.
ReplyDeleteYour body will hurt. Even if you don't realise it now, sometime in the future, your body would have recovered and you'll realise how much everything has been hurting. Treat your body gently and nurse it back to health.
Hormones are wonderful but they also make you feel like shit, both physically and mentally. You will feel blue, worry that you are getting post-natal depression and wonder how you are going to cope. Everything is both better and worse with hormones.
Don't believe the hype. Every single person with a newborn is NOT sailing through enjoying a massive love affair with their baby. It all happens in stages. In my case, my first 13 weeks were awesome then week 13 occurred and my baby cried all the time. Everyone in my mum's group had learned how to settle their bubby when they fussed, I had to start at square one.
Bonding is not necessarily being loved up. I was very protective of my girl but really only started to feel like I knew my daughter and loved her when she was a bit older...around 3 months. I thought I loved her earlier but when she started responding I could start to see the essence of my little girl and love her.
Breastfeeding is exhausting.
Have two priorities only. Logan's sleep and your sleep. You need your sleep for now and to stock up when you have bad nights when baby doesn't sleep much at all.
Get help. Get on the waiting list for your local government baby sleep etc centre for help. Exaggerate if you need to. By the time you realise that you need help, you will be beside yourself and having to wait will be almost too hard to bear. If you have private insurance it usually won't cost anything or they have a sliding scale if you don't. These places are not for desperate mothers, they are there to help you exactly where you are now.
Do what works for your baby. If taping blockout fabric on your windows or having someone drive the baby around so they get some sleep, it will be worth it. My girl was not a great sleeper during the day and got her days/ nights mixed up. She wouldn't sleep for more than 40 mins. We put her in the car and she would sleep for 80 mins so we knew that she was getting some sleep every morning and afternoon. This meant we were more confident trying at other nap times and persisted knowing your baby has had some sleep. It took the pressure off for us. It was a 3 month phase she went through and our local sleep centre said we did exactly the right thing. My girl now sleeps 12 hours a night without getting up. (she has done this since about 61/2 months)
I couldn't sleep during the day unless the baby was out of the house. I would be just too aware of any sound she would make. My husband and mum took my girl out for walks and I would go to bed with ear plugs in and truly left myself relax and fall asleep.
Don't worry about forming bad habits. People tell you not to do things as the baby will form a bad habit. Babies change all the time. If it works for you (see car sleeping above) then work it until the baby changes his mind (and they do!).
Hugs to you. It is a tough time and hard work but I can promise you that it does get better. You just need time to adjust. xxx
By the way, breastfeeding was pretty easy for me but in reality I don't enjoy it much as I thought I would. I don't know why, I thought I would love it but it is a pretty mundane task for me. This was perhaps the most surprising aspect of motherhood for me as it was one of the things that was most important to me....so strange how much your attitudes change once you are actually doing the mothering!
ReplyDeleteI am hearing you about visitors not helping and expecting to be entertained- sucks big time.
ReplyDeleteI was also paranoid about SIDS and as the twins were really refluxing and spat up all the time I watched them constantly and never slept.. Finally catching up on sleep 8 months later.
Everything will fall into place and work out in the end.
Big hugs to you. It is such a huge adjustment, Spark is very spot on. Now is the time to be gentle with yourself. Sleep, rest and try to find some rhythm. Eve is not always easy we had a terrible time to begin with until I realized she has a milk protein allergy, she also does not sleep during the day unless she is in a sling. Every baby is so different.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing that many of us forget is that like any relationship it takes time to get to know each other. With your baby the extra difficultly is that you can't have those lovely long conversations that you do at the start of a relationship. So working out that rhythm is a guessing game. You're doing well, just give yourself time.
Having a new baby isn't easy and you are doing an amazing job!
ReplyDeleteNobody ever tells you the first 6 weeks or so of being a new mother SUCKS BALLS.
I agree just do what works for now and I wouldn't worry about 'bad habits' at this age.
It might be worth trying the Save our Sleep as lots of people seem to recomend it. But I was speaking to a woman who worked at a NGALA call centre for new mothers and she reckoned about 70% of the calls were from women feeling like failures because of that Tizzie Hall book! I was a bit wary about the 4hr between feeds for newborns, especially if you've already had one bout of mastitis.
Breastfeeding can be really tough. I had oversupply as well. Only offering one boobper feed helped me.. but again not sure if thats a good idea with the mastitis. Hope the breastfeeding centre can help you get on a smoother path.
Hang in their Jess, I remember feeling really flat in those early days it feels like there is nothing to look forward to but more of the same, but it gets better soon I PROMISE.
i so agree with all the comments here! My advice is try and be relaxed and go with the flow as much as possible (so much easier said than done) but really those little babies change everything up. You think you have a routine down pat then they won't have a bar of it! We finally are sleeping through the night (well, most nights!) 12 months later! Its crazy how much you adapt but it takes a little time!
ReplyDeleteBreastfeeding is a rollercoaster. I never really enjoyed it and at the end of my 11.5 months I was super over it and it became a burden for me. I'm the same as Emmie and found one boob per feed worked for me. Now that I've stopped I can't believe I lasted so long and I know all the benefits but its a tricky road to navigate!
Everything will fall into place and you'll wake one day and be like wow I haven't googled anything baby related for ages- and you'll suddenly realise oh yeah I totally know how to do this!
All the others have offered all the advice I would... But I will add in these 2 things
ReplyDelete1. I used a shield till Abi was 14 weeks old. I'm slowly starting to hate BFeeding less, but not at all do I feel the 'bond' they say you should.
2. We started sleeping Abi on her Tim from about 6 weeks. She was strong and smart enough to turn and raise her head and settled and slept so much better so we did it.
It all takes time Jess. You need to get to know each other. It will get easier.
Being a new mum is the hard, but it does get easier... And it becomes very very rewarding.
xoxo
Me again! Chiming back in to add- we put Bay to sleep on her tummy from about 8 weeks old too.. at first I was really nervous about it but we made an informed choice based on our other risk factors. It was the only way she would stay asleep. Even now at 10months old if we put her on her back she rolls straight onto her tummy.
ReplyDeleteAlso I have a CD called Transitions, which I play for Bay during the night, it sort of mimics the sounds of the womb, rushing blood and heartbeat and that helped her sleep at night. If you email me your address I will send you a copy emmiegemmie[at]gmail.com
Otherwise I leave the ABC radio national on for her as it is usually moderate tones and easy listening music but enough background noise to help her sleep, having it slightly out of tune seems to work best
We have a really loud washing machine which you can hear from her room, and I think that helps her sleep too :)
xoxo
Everyone has really good advice. You just have to experiment and even 'break the rules' (i.e. use a dummy, co-sleeping etc) to find what will help for you and for Logan. Just as long are well informed and know the negatives as well as the positives when making a decision.
ReplyDeleteI rocked Lily to sleep on a fit all for 4 months solid. Every single time she would start to cry I would start bouncing and half an hour later she was asleep but my back was hurting. I just knew it wasn't sustainable to continue (I would end up as a cripple) and as she was getting out of the newborn stage she started demanding less milk so I slowly introduced a bit of a routine but nothing too strict. I totally removed the fit ball out of her room when she 8 months and only used it if she woke up in the middle of the night and wouldn't settle or if she was pain (tummy, teething etc) and needed comfort.
She hated co-sleeping and would end up clawing my face. She refused the dummy for 2 weeks so I gave up. White noise did nothing for her. She just loved that fit ball. You will just have to find what will work for you and Logan.
Breastfeeding wasn't great for me in the early days. It was so painful with the chapped nipples. And when Lily self-weaned I was devastated. Knowing that my baby was relying on me for most of her nutrients was fulfilling to me but after giving her formula I see the benefits there as well.
It's tough with all the different views out there. I'm sure you are doing a fantastic job anyway and in a few months time, someone will ask you about the newborn stage and you would look back thinking it went so fast like a blur!
I can't offer like advice but it sounds like your doing fabulously. Keep going and use all the support you can get your hands on! You'll get there, go team Jess, Logan and Hubby!!! Hugs xo
ReplyDeleteHi Jess:)
ReplyDeleteWe are clearly tracking at a very similar pace. I am struggling with the breast feeding too; in fact, I said to a friend over the weekend that in some ways I've found it far more challenging than the labour and birth.
I'm actually seeing a lactation consultant tomorrow, as I seem to be so full of milk but Alexandra is an efficient feeder and will often get all she needs from one boob and not be interested for another 4-5 hours. Great in some ways, but terrible for me. Looks like I'm going to have to start pumping to relieve some of the pressure.
I've been told that the first 6 weeks is definitely the most difficult. We need to give ourselves a break a little and know that we have our L plates on as parents, as do our bubs.
Best of luck on your journey and I'll be thinking of you and all the other new mums out there when I'm crying to myself in the shower at 4.30am, trying to hand express my rock hard boob... yes, that was the beginning to today!
xoxo