Thursday, February 23, 2012

Month Three Letter (23.02.12)

Dear Logan,

3 months! Where has time gone?

You've grown so much and everyone is commenting on how long you are. I haven't measured or weighed you in awhile but you must be between 6.5-7kg and as for length off the charts most likely.

You're a lot more aware this month and are looking at everyone (& everything, including the tv which is your favourite - whoops). You love to have big conversations with us all as well, we don't know why you're saying but that doesn't matter because you're so happy when you're saying it.

Bad moods are still abundant unfortunately, you have started to calm down a little bit but your still our grumpy old man. I've started giving you colic massage and that seems to help somewhat and makes you happy while it's being done but it definitely hasn't solved the problem. I also find that if we don't read your sleep cues then WATCH OUT, usually I'm pretty good at doing that but when we're out and about it is a bit more difficult. Still your far and I have always said that we still wanted to be able to go out and do things. I'm still not confident taking you out to the shops because you are so vocal about what you do and do not like but we'll get there. Maybe next's month's post will be about how we took you shopping.

This month was the first time you rolled over (from tummy to back) all by yourself. When you first did it far said that I helped you (I was wiping some spit up off your hand) but then you went and did it again and again. Thank you for doing that when we were both home, it was so nice to share that milestone just the 3 of us.

We also moved out of your first home this month which has been sad and left you (and us) feeling quite unsettled. But it is for the best and your next home will be a lot more fun for you (no stairs and place to zoom around in a walker).

You still haven't laughed yet but we get treated to your smiles a lot and it is one of the things I looked forward to when I get you out of your basinette. You tried to mimic Mummy the other day when she was laughing which was adorable but nowhere near a laugh!

Gymbaroo also started this month and you seem to be enjoying it, you like the songs and dancing on the mat but heaven forbid I try and play with you on any of the equipment! You put up with being on the trampoline with Arthur, Ted and Isobella but that was the only bit of equipment you liked! You also tried to eat Arthur's hand but that's ok, he was shoving it in your face after all.

You're continuing to sleep well at night, we tend to wake you and feed you when we're going to bed so that you don't wake up around midnight. By doing that you usually only wake up once before 5am and then sleep in a bit after that. You are such a noisy sleeper though, especially in the morning, that I'm not getting to enjoy the sleep in. I think the time is coming to put you in your own room soon but I really don't want to move you and I think it will have to wait until you have your own nursery. But who knows it may well happen at farmor's, we'll just have to go with the flow/meet your demands.

On the night of the 21st you slept from about 845 until about 7am! Your last feed was at about 7pm so we all got a goodnight's sleep which was fantastic and a nice change to the previous days were you'd been super fussy! Then again on the night of the 22nd you slept through, please let this be something that isn't going to stop! Last night you did get fed around 9pm and there was grumbles from the basinette around 230am but we used the life saving dummy and you seemed to settle. You woke up at 550am and after a quick feed I put you back to bed but you were up again a bit before 7am. I'm not complaining though, you are being a wonderful little boy and my heart just keeps growing with love for you.

All my love,

PS: we do have your month photo but the camera is in where you're sleeping so for now we'll have to settle for the adorable photo above.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Halloween 2012

Ok so not really a Halloween outfit but I miss my tiny little boy who is growing like a weed at the moment - but more on that in tomorrow's monthly letter.

One of my best friends recently told us she and her boyfriend are moving to Toronto. My first reaction was to burst into tears but I plastered a smile on my face and told her the tears would be running only at her farewell party because it's such an awesome opportunity.

But then it got me to thinking about traveling and opportunities whilst I'm not at work. My family keeps pointing out that maternity leave is not a travel pass because I now have Logan but Ive read a few baby travel posts and come to realise that just because we have Logan doesn't mean we can't go on international adventures! Sure it might be more difficult but it'll be worth it.

We were walking the dogs and talking about her move when I let out a huge squeal and announced we should go there for Halloween. Being in a country that celebrates Halloween has always been on my bucket list so why not jump at this opportunity! It's easier to enjoy when you're actually at someone's home than in a hotel. So we're now officially looking into buying tickets not only to Toronto but to New York as well. Back to the city we got engaged in! It's still early days but I'm so excited. Not about the 30+ hour plane trip or the cost of tickets but you take the good with the bad and this is one opportunity I can't let pass me by.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Home is Wherever I'm with You

The next afternoon (after this photo was taken) we found out we'd be on the move once more!

Things have been a little hectic to say the least, with Mum as the landlord (a lady who loves to rush rush rush) we have a week to pack up some things and move in with the in-laws before the house goes on the market!

But as we can't move in with the in-laws until after the great grandparents have left the following week will be spent in my soon to be step-dad's short stay house. It's going to be crazy (in & out of places) until this house gets a signed offer and we can move back in. I completely understand her not wanting us around for home opens etc... But holy smokes have things happened fast & with a new'ish' baby it has been a little difficult to wrap my head around.

But it will all be worth it because they plan on buying a more family friendly place (which we can live in) until we can afford to stop being spoilt brats and buy our own home. I'm really excited because it means no more stairs and a nice outdoor area but also sad because this is our home, the place I got ready in before our wedding and the place Logan's story began...

I don't know how long we will be moving between places or how long I'll be without my pets (that is going to be horrible but the in-laws hate cats and won't let us have our dog because they already have two). But I know it will be worth it in the end, we'll have a better home and another place to create memories as well. Like Logan's first steps, his first birthday and maybe even the beginning of another 'story' as well.

PS: Last night was Hubby's graduation and I was so incredibly proud to watch him cross that stage to receive his second well deserved piece of paper! I'm going to be a blubbering mess if our kids decide to follow in our footsteps and go to university.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Logan's Story - Part II

As I said the bath wasn't very comfortable and I don't think I would go down that route with my second baby (yes I have decided we will have a second child but not for a long time yet!). I was constantly after something to grip onto during contractions (and felt guilty for crushing people's hands) but the only bars were near the taps down where my feet were which wasn't useful. I don't know how long I remained in the bath for but I was definitely allowed to push in there and I remember my Mum disappearing for awhile and crying. It was a very emotional time for us all!

At some point the midwife wanted to check me again and I think they'd been checking his heartbeat on a regular basis but that could done in the bath whereas the check had to be done outside. They'd kept telling me he was nearly there and at one point I thought I was so close because she said I had to wait so they could get a second midwife in (something to do with giving birth in the water). Logan never wanted to come out though and it was so frustrating hearing that he was nearly there and going through all that pain and pushing to have no baby at the end of it. So out of the tub I got and I can tell you I was crying and whinging about this because I knew it was going to hurt more being out of the water and because the contractions where coming so close together the last thing I wanted to do was clamber out of a bath during one - I didn't have a choice though. This was also when my water finally broke, nothing like in the movies! Luckily I just had to make it to a yoga mat on the floor in the bathroom, I have no idea how much I was dilated, in fact she may have just been double checking that I was ok to push and didn't have that lip thing but all my mind was focused on was the pain and wanting my baby.

Instead of getting back in the bath (I just couldn't handle the thought of clambering in) I went back to my best friend the toilet thankfully this one was still in the bathroom because, there was no way I could get back to my room. I was sucking on the gas like there was no tomorrow and I know Logan's heart-rate was being monitored because this is when she started to get concerned that it wasn't bouncing back quick enough after contractions. It was also when she spotted a bit of meconium and that was it, up to the main hospital we went. This was also where use of forceps or vacuum was mentioned, I didn't care at that point, I know I should have but I just wanted this baby out of me.

Now if I thought getting out of the bath was painful, getting into the wheelchair and being pushed into the main hospital's delivery suite was agony. Especially because when I finally got into a gown and was in the wheelchair the gas wasn't working. I still kept sucking on it because for some reason just the motion of sucking seemed to help but I couldn't believe how long it was taking to get us up to the room. It seemed so quick when we did our slow walk through during our parenting classes!

Finally we got into the room and all the nurses/midwives were talking to me and I was waiting for the gas to start working. But for some reason that room wasn't suitable so they moved me out into another room - again the last thing you want whilst you're struggling through contractions.

When I was all set up in the other room my midwife and the student midwife decided that I should try to deliver him naturally. I remember laying on my back in bed thinking but this is the way they told us we shouldn't give birth! I was still frustrated and not believing them when they said he was almost there but then I felt him (hello ring of fire...). I focused on my pushing and tried desperately not to push when told not to, I remembered this from class to avoid tearing. They kept telling me to reach down and feel the head but I kept refusing and finally he was out. It was the weirdest feeling ever and I still have no idea how he fit. He was covered in blood and I remember someone saying that was odd and quickly a blanket was put over him. I thought I'd seen a little willy but I kept asking our student midwife and she kept telling me just look! So I finally did and confirmed my suspicions, we had a son.

I never had that moment/shared look with Logan and we had no idea what to call him either so there wasn't that instant connection. It also didn't help that I was still waiting to deliver the placenta. I'd opted to wait until the umbilical cord stopped pulsing before being cut and that took forever (and felt horrible). I never thought to ask how long it would take before it stopped pulsating and I wish I had because I don't think I would have gone with that option. Hubby didn't want to cut the cord so my Mum took the job and she commented on how tough it was. I was given an injection to speed up delivery of the placenta but it took awhile because it was so big. My student midwife was delivering it as well which added to the time taken as well. We were all laughing though because I'm so ticklish and I couldn't stop laughing and wouldn't really let them near me.

Finally it was delivered and I'm not sure if Logan had already left my chest at this point (I think he had) because of the meconium. He was screaming and I told Hubby to go over to him and according to Mum he stopped screaming when he heard his Dad's voice. They called in a pediatrician who I wanted to smack because he immediately said Logan would need formula. Luckily my midwife was amazing and even though Logan wouldn't latch she 'milked' my colostrum and Hubby and the student midwife finger fed him once he'd finally been finished getting checked over. (As you know Logan went to the special care nursery but this wasn't done until later that day thanks to a midwife who kept pushing the doctors that his breathing just wasn't quite right - she was fantastic and was always looking out for me).

The focus was then back on me and thanks to Logan coming out with a hand at his head (and his head being so big) I had torn. My midwife said that it was only a little one but then a doctor looked at me and said I had 3rd degree tears. I freaked out at this and also because the tears could be impacting on important 'bits' down there. So I was booked in for surgery, this is when the milking occurred because they were trying to get someone to come and take me. This is also when I found out I wouldn't be going back to the Birthing Centre and that had been my biggest concern because I had no idea what would happen from here (and it really was a mess re: my follow up care).

When they wheeled me away I made sure that my Mum and Hubby knew they could go home because they'd need some sleep but internally I was worried about who would be looking after our baby.
I made it into the room to get the spinal block and the guys looking after me were awesome and wondering why I was butt naked. I had fun just chatting with them but then the anesthetist's phone went off and it meant I got bumped. This was after I'd struggled to sit up to get the huge needle. They were apologising non-stop, I think because we had such a good rapport and the anesthetist's name was Felix which was on our list! I got wheeled in to recovery to wait and found out that it was shift change time. Felix came in after he'd finished the emergency surgery to say goodbye (which was really sweet) as he had finished his shift but he promised the next anesthetist would be great. This was funny because my father-in-law is a well know anesthetist in Perth but I didn't tell anyone. At this point my midwife popped back in and milked me again and Logan (along with Hubby and Mum) got to come in and keep me company. I can't remember if I held Logan or just watched him, I think I held him and had a nice cuddle but I tried to confirm with Hubby and he of course can't remember! When I was finally in surgery (yay for spinal block it was AWESOME!) at some point they realised who my father-in-law was and the women who had given me the spinal block and the guy in charge of her told me off for not telling them ha-ha. There was a weird guy in there during my surgery but I just kept chatting with everyone and joking about names which was fun. Finally it was all done and back to recovery with me. Everyone was lovely afterwards in the recovery room but I really wanted to get back to my baby and the room. Of course this happened eventually but it definitely added to my feeling of disconnection with my son.

But now after 11 weeks (it's hard to believe this time 11 weeks ago he was disappearing to the nursery!) I am completely smitten with this awesome little man and I love watching all the changes time is bringing.

Saturday, February 4, 2012


Does anyone know how to comment on a Wordpress blog on an iPad without having to do it through fb or twitter or being a word press member?

I got spoilt for Christmas because my laptop is on its last legs but I'm finding it isn't the best thing for blogging. So, if you haven't being getting comments from me, I am reading I just can't respond grrrrrr