Parenting

 

I still don't get it, I know no one ever does (truly) but obviously some people have a better handle on it than others. I thought I would fall into that category but instead here I sit scratching my head and throwing a lot of 'woe is me's' out into the world. I want to blame my child for not being an easy baby for crying more than laughing for frowning more than smiling but you can't blame someone for their personality. Then I get scared that subliminally I'm turning him into this unhappy little man because I feel so overwhelmed and that just about makes my head explode.

But still the weeks turn into months and I haven't wound up breaking down or following through on my threat to send him to China. When it's just him and me it is definitely a lot harder and I am looking forward to my Mum coming back on Monday! But I'm proud of myself for managing for a month without her dropping in every day - I've done some grocery shops, gone out to cafes with him and gone on a daily walk (weather permitting) every day.

I will never be one of those 'perfect' bloggers, I never have something set for a certain day and I definitely don't want people thinking that Logan is the easiest baby in the world or that I can handle anything he throws at me. He isn't and I can't! This was just a quick post (seeing as the little monkey has just woken up early) to let mums/moms around the world know that it's ok. You do survive but you also need to bitch and moan about it, don't keep it bottled up and for the love of your sanity don't compare your baby to anyone else's - that has been what destroyed me these last couple of weeks. Logan has been particularly tough and whenever I shared that the other mums just said teething or separation anxiety and yes my son/daughter cried too. I wanted to scream and say you don't understand he has always cried non stop its just really getting to me now. But everyone has their own shit to deal with so keep plodding along and dealing with yours because ultimately these little boys & girls are ours and ours alone and we can only do what we can do.

PS: That wasn't suppose to depress the hell out of you, I'm sure it gets better and I know from looking at my 4 year old nephew it's going to be awesome fun! But for the right now...well he's lucky I can't afford postage (that and he's so dang cute!).

Blustery Day

 

I'm getting behind again...I keep reading other posts though with people now switching back to 'blogging for themselves' rather than chasing money and numbers so, I figure it's no biggie with my sporadic posting because I'm doing it for me. I've realise I do it because I like writing and because of the wonderful people I've 'met' along the way. So I won't ever disappear for forever but I don't think I could ever be a once a day poster (I'd love to be able to though).

Last week was horrible I missed everything with the cold, it got even worse on Wednesday so no boxing or Mum's Group for me. Thankfully I could hang out with my Mum and Step-Dad so I got a little bit of interaction. But this is a new week and I've done my first exercise class of the week and I'm definitely paying for it today my whole body is so stiff. Yesterday we had to do 30 pushups in a row 60 in total but they were spaced between squats and hip lifts = agony! I suck at pushups I've just never been able to get the hang of them, apparently I have an advantage because big boobs means my chest is already closer to the ground (um depressed Yay?!) but it sure didn't feel that way. But I always feel great afterwards so that's a big plus and I'm glad that I've signed up for a boxing class as well. Apparently the other mums didn't think Logan was too bad but I still hate taking him which I'll have to do whilst my Mum is holidaying in Europe.

In other news Logan is crawling up a storm and I've realised vacuuming needs to become more of a priority (damn it!). He's also very into pulling himself up and walking around the furniture. We've had quite a few tumbles and big whinges but I'm trying not to coddle him when it happens unless I can tell he really needs it.

I've also started him on a bottle of formula dream feed which Hubby gives him. I've tried the dream feed before but it never seemed to work and my cousin said I have to just keep going with it for at least a week but I think I'll aim for longer. Whilst I don't think the formula is helping him sleep longer it's nice that Hubby can take over a feed. My cousin told me her Husband gives their daughter a bottle (but of expressed milk - I'm over expressing so that won't be happening) so that she lessens the 'comfort' attraction of the feed and I am all for that. Last night was a bit of a miss though because he woke up a bit after 3am and then again at 520 - I knew that would happen he won't stay down long after his first wake up so it's always better if he wakes around 4 so that his next wake up is at/after 6 and we can do breakfast etc... But I'm crossing fingers and toes that this works. I think yesterday his day sleeps were very hit and miss too so that wouldn't have helped.

On Thursday he will be 9 months (which means adorable Abi will be 1 year old - how time has flown by Sammie!!!) and I can't believe how much he is constantly changing at this stage. I'm getting newborn withdrawals but definitely waiting until he's 2 before we consider trying for another one!

Anyway the Wolverine has awoken from his morning slumber so I must be off. I hope everyone enjoys the wintery weather (if they have it) and if it's sunny in your neck of the woods enjoy that too!

 

Currently

Logan enjoying floor time.

 

Loving: the rain, I didn't think I would because it stops outside goings-on but I've come to realise I'm so much happier when it rains. I think it reminds me to stop and smell the roses.

Reading: a whole lot of blogs (along with my usual favourites - check them out in the sidebar) one of my new favourites is Inked in Colour (yep there's a 'u' because she's an Aussie!), I highly recommend you check it out. I should be reading The Great Gatsby for book club but I can't get my butt into gear and it doesn't help knowing I'm missing that book club because it involves a road trip and I can't leave Logan because I'm the food source!

Watching: Seinfeld, I tried to watch the Olympics but instead I got Days of Our Lives when I switched on the telly *insert giant shudder here*. I am a very very very late Seinfeld convert but love this show about nothing, the episode involved Kramer wanting to put up photos of everyone who lived in the building along with their names so they could all greet each other. It backfired on Jerry of course but I thought the sentiment was great, it's sad that we don't live in a culture where knowing your neighbours is very uncommon.

Thinking about: the kindness of friends. My girlfriends who don't have kids have offered to be last minute babysitters should I ever need them. One of my other friends is letting us stay with her and her partner for our holiday (they don't have kids either!) and the mums in my Mum's group are constantly offering to help with Logan.

Anticipating: the goings on for the week. I seem to be super busy all the time now, less so during the day but definitely at night. From family dinners to catching up with friends, usually I hate being a social butterfly but I realised last week getting out of the house and having other people dote on/watch Logan is important for my sanity.

Listening to: the baby monitor going silent again after I managed to get Logan back on track for his nap (this is a huge WIN)

Working on: being happier. I've always been a bit of a downer and that's been 100x worse since having a baby. I'm trying to relax more, take deep breaths and not nag my husband to death. If anyone had any suggestions feel free to throw them my way.

Wishing: today wasn't Monday - I just realised it isn't so wish granted hurrah!

Proud of: doing my first big grocery shop with Logan. It helped that the shop was half empty and it seemed to be the time all Mums did their shopping but it was crap in terms of meat prices being down :( what day is the Aussie day for cheaper meat? I am going to have to start going to the butcher more!!! But yes I am so proud of myself. This was no small feat and is the first time anyone has taken Logan solo food shopping (other than a quick dash and grab) he is notorious for being a huge grizzle guts. I armed myself with rice rusks and toys, my list on the Woolies app and the padded shopping cart insert and it wasn't a terrible experience!

This idea was taken from Sometimes Sweet.

 

The Great Debate

I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I'm talking about breastfeeding vs formula. I don't even like writing that because I am of the mindset that whatever works for your baby GO WITH IT! But I got to thinking today after a gym class with some of the Mums from my Mother's Group. We had been talking about our night on the town and I wasn't sure if I would go because Logan is still having a feed (boob) during the night if not two. Now I know it can be argued that he doesn't need that but that's a whole other kettle of fish and I don't want to get off track.

 

So out of about 14 mums only 4 of us are still sans formula and all boob and I believe a couple are combining the two (formula and boob). The rest stopped for various reasons supply issues seems to be the common one. None of us are judgmental it's always been whatever you believe is best goes but I felt terrible saying I wouldn't mind giving him a bottle of formula that night but my gut says I shouldn't if it's only so I can enjoy myself for such a short period of time. But what annoyed me was that I felt guilty saying this to a formula Mum - I never really know how to voice my desire just to keep Logan on the boob without offending people who use formula. I don't intend to come across as breast is best and you are terrible for using formula but sometimes I think I do unintentionally and I hate it. I came home and realised I shouldn't feel guilty, as long as I say what I want to do for my son and don't judge others then there is nothing wrong. If it offends anyone then of course I would apologise but I find it hard to figure out if I have offended them or not!

This is just a post to say to any Mums (new or old) you rock and are doing a damn fine job with your babies no matter what/how you choose to feed them! Don't feel guilty about saying what you want to do/don't want to do. Motherhood is full of murky waters and it's that much easier to navigate if you have open and honest discussions.

 

That Feeling

So I went and saw What to Expect with some of the Mums Group and had a great time, despite the moving starting past my bedtime and not getting home until 1130! Logan had a reasonably good night though so hurrah, I still found it hard to drag my butt out of bed though and far stepped in to get the little monkey out of his cot.


I loved the movie, it wasn't fantastic by any means but I laughed throughout it and had a few tears in my eyes too. Two things really got to me though, the women in labour - even when they tried to make it slightly unattractive aka Cameron Diaz they still failed and everyone loving their baby from that very first instant. I think the latter is because I'm jealous of that. Sitting in the cinema I even contemplated getting an elective c-section with my next one because I wanted to have that bonding moment and not go through the horrible labour that I did with Logan. Not that I couldn't handle the labour but at the end when he was on my chest I felt no connection other than bloody hell what took you so long! It probably didn't help that I delayed cord clamping and had no idea how long that would take or that my placenta was massive too and having Logan whisked off without a name was hard as well. But yeah I wish I'd gotten my love at first sight moment and I hope like crazy I get that with the next one!

Don't worry I realise having a c-section could also result in me not having 'the moment' just as easily and I still plan on going natural with the next one! Not that there is anything wrong with choosing a different way to have your baby, as long as they get into this world healthy and happy that's all that matters.

Also where on earth do you get one of those bar things that Diaz had during her 'labour' I want one!!!

The Ultimate Dream

People tell you all the time while you're pregnant that sleep is going to go out the window once you're a parent and I just nodded and smiled...how ignorant I was! But you never really know the truth until you experience it for yourself and I have definitely been reliving the newborn experience at the moment.

Logan used to be a pretty good sleeper but now that 6 months has hit that's gone out the window. We thought finally moving into our new place and getting settled would result in sleeping through but that was just some more wishful thinking! Now he's up at least 6 times at night for the past three nights and before that anywhere from 2+. This Mama is exhausted and with a house to unpack and clean up I'm finding it hard to be relaxed enough to nap when he does. At least that's a positive in that he is now having longer naps but I just wish I could ignore the boxes and mess and sleep! Which is what I should be doing now but we need to go to Gymbaroo soon (thankfully I'm not bothering with it once this term is up!).

It could be teething, it could be developmental milestones, it could be a growth spurt or any number of things but I hope he starts to sleep for bigger chunks soon because I'm on the verge of having a melt down. Thankfully my Mum is now literally around the corner and my Mother's Group has been fantastic even offering to take him while I get some sleep. But it's amazing how much sleep really does affect you and I can't wait to get back to my happier self instead of this crazy monster who snaps at everything!

 

Bali Baby

Not too long ago that post could have read Bali Belly...I highfived my Husband on our return once I realised I hadn't gotten sick, that's two in a row hurrah! But what a difference a baby makes, I think Bali Belly might have been easier to cope with.

As some of you may know I headed off to Bali as part of my Mum and new Step-dad's honeymoon (they took the whole family) which also coincided with the 'week of Jess' (my birthday on May 6th through to Mother's day - unfortunately both days were taken up with airports and flights). It was an interesting holiday to say the least and I know now that relaxing holidays by the pool are a thing of the past.

Thankfully I was surrounded by my wonderful family who helped us out way more than they should of and we managed to have a dinner & lunch date and go white water rafting. My new step-sister was an absolute gem and helped out so much with babysitting.

We stayed in two amazing places but nothing could top the first location in Ubud called Villa Sebali. The staff were amazing, the grounds like something out of a movie and the outdoor bathrooms out of this world. The next was in Seminyak and the place was gorgeous (you could step out of the kitchen into the pool) but it wasn't practical and the staff were terrible. But it was good for shopping at least - not that I did much of that.



Hot holidays are definitely hard with a baby and especially hard in a country where you can't drink the water. So if anyone is planning a trip to an Asian country with a baby here are some of my tips.

1. Make sure you have a comfortable baby carrier that you've used before and a nursing cover to hook over.
2. Take an electric fan if you plan on using your pram/stroller otherwise you never will.
3. Take a small but padded blanket (one of the Mums in my Mums Group made me one and may be making more to sell in the future if anyone is interested) - we used this for him to play on the ground on when high chairs weren't available.
4. Take light weight long sleeve shirts for Bubs, you don't really need long pants because their legs are usually covered.
5. A large/huge plastic zip lock bag and Milton (antibacterial) tablets - this was so helpful in sterilizing Logan's food and sippy cups.
6. A mosquito net for the portacot, our first place had one but the next one didn't and we had to try to fit his cot in under our bed's net and it was a pain because of course there were still gaps!
7. Take a dummy/pacifier holder! Even if you hate pinning a dummy to your baby's clothes it is well worth it to avoid losing your dummy to floor germs! Unfortunately the 5 second rule doesn't apply to dirty streets...
8. Take a light weight wrap to use as a quick cover for dirty chairs, floors etc...
9. And of course all the other things for hot weather - sippy cup with water, hat, sunglasses, safe sunscreen (if you want to go down that route).
10. Finally consider trading your nappy bag for a backpack, it's a lot easier and nicer on your shoulders!

The trip was good and I'm now feeling more prepared for our long haul flight to Toronto in October but it is sad saying goodbye to relaxing holidays.

As for the week of Jess, there's always next year and I plan on avoiding airports and planes on both of my special days next year!

 

 

Life

Whoops! How do Mums keep on top of this whole blogging thing?

Life is going well for our little family. We're now living with the in-laws (not as bad as it sounds thankfully but still I feel awkward) and then soon to be living with my Mum (but only whilst her fiance is away on business) and then back to the in-laws and then WHO KNOWS. But I'm trying to make the most of it, I would say we're saving except I was hit up with two huge bills (including passports - don't be lazy and get a new passport within your first year of marriage if you're changing your name!) but soon we'll be putting a lot into savings.

The only thing I'm really struggling with at the moment is Logan taking tiny next to nothing naps all of a sudden during the day which means I can barely get anything done - I guess that's part of the reason behind why I'm not blogging so much. Especially living at someone else's house it means I really have to focus more on chores than anything else. As I type this he's chatting away from himself but it's now turning into upset 'you better be quick and hurry up and get in here Mum'. So off I go again!

Happy Australia Day

If you live overseas then you probably haven't heard about this wonderful heatwave we are having. Over 40C or close to most days (104F), including today! There is even the possibility that our fireworks will be cancelled which, may not be a big thing to people who get fireworks all the time, but here in Perth Australia Day is THE day (we don't even get them on NYE). But whether or not they go off I'm inside with the aircon cranked to a respectable 24C (75F) to be kind to the environment and stay kind of cool.

I did want to go out and enjoy being around everyone and getting into the Aussie spirit but it's just too hot and with a two month old baby it's definitely out of the question. So instead, we're having one of my best friends over for dinner and then we'll watch the fireworks from our balcony (not the main ones but they do lots of separate fireworks depending on the council which is great). I don't even know if I'll have a drink, I really can't be bothered pumping and whilst I do have a little supply stored up (it used to be massive but the holidays drained that away) I want to save it for Saturday when I'm going out for lunch with my girlfriends and all our boys (sans Logan so I can get a little tipsy YAY!). It's funny how much changes once you've had a kid and how your boobs are definitely feeding machines and readily discussed ha-ha.

I did buy lamingtons in an effort to have some sort of Aussie'ness' about the place and Logan is wearing a Bonds outfit (even if it is made in China nowadays). Plus we have vegemite in the cupboard which is an automatic tick in the Oz box.

I hope everyone is keeping cool and if you're an Aussie or even an adopted Aussie have a fantastic Australia Day wherever you may be.

Update on Motherhod

Finally I can say I'm coping and enjoying it all!

Logan is getting himself into a semi-routine at night and the past two nights he's only woken up around 2-230am and then again at 6. In fact this morning I out slept him and yes, I'm aware I just completely jinxed it and he'll go back to 2/3 hourly wake ups.

Yesterday I finally got to go to my Mother's Group, it was lovely to catch up with such a nice group of ladies (we even have twins!) and two of the babies also share Logan's birthday and they're little piggies too. I'm so glad he's growing big and strong.

Logan still has his crying fits and our witching hour always starts when we want to eat/prepare dinner but people have been providing us with leftovers thankfully. The microwave is definitely my new best friend, I just wish I'd frozen more meals before Logan was born but we couldn't fit much more in our freezer!

Times have definitely changed if that above little grizzle face can make me smile. I just hope he starts to enjoy shopping instead of having crying fits every time we go out. But for now we keep taking each hour as it comes and enjoy each other more and more.

I tried to write this post...

but then my son woke up and demanded to be fed!

I promise I'll start with more regular posting soon, although with Christmas and New Years celebrations to be had it may not be until January (I will get on here before then though I swear!).

Honesty

Milk Coma

I'm in the process of writing up Logan's Birth Story but in between feeding, changing and uncovering what it really means to be a new Mum it's taking longer than I anticipated.

He's a very fussy baby at night as well, we're slowly learning tricks to get him to sleep but it's definitely taking it's toll. So far we've found swaddling him in Wombies (those zip up sleeping bags with no arm holes) is good, so is sleeping on his tummy (but I'd kill myself if anything happened to him because of SIDS so we don't do that unless we're watching him non-stop), having him in our room seems to be sort of ok but I think what we need to try next is a radio on low or something because he completely passes out during the day when everything is noisy and in the nursery he was used to the noise and the radio as well. If anyone has any other suggestions though I would love to hear them!

My cousin suggested doing a dream feed at 10pm and following the Save Our Sleep but I really don't want to be on a strict schedule...then again maybe that is what he needs.

It's amazing how much you're unaware of what being a mother actually entails and what raising a newborn is all about. For example I thought that breastfeeding would be relatively easy - how wrong I was. I wouldn't go so far as to say I hate it but I definitely don't get the joy out of it that lots of other mothers seem to get. It doesn't help that he won't latch on without a nipple shield and that I got mastitis in one boob plus the leaking drives me crazy (although at least it isn't waterfalls any more like it was when I was pumping & feeding him in the nursery). I also swore I'd never give my baby a dummy (pacifier) or bottle and both those things have gone out the window. Hubby helps me out with feedings because I've got so much milk expressed and he'll bottle feed him and yesterday I bottle fed him because my cousin & her partner were over for a visit and I didn't feel comfortable breastfeeding in front of them. I've booked myself in at the Breastfeeding Centre attached to the hospital so hopefully they'll be able to help me out (or at least get us on track to get rid of the nipple shield) because at the moment I'm counting down the days until I can stop breastfeeding and I've barely even begun!

Hubby has also sort of returned to work, he wasn't supposed to start until January but because the person who is 'in-charge' of him is leaving he needs to go in and work on lots of projects. Thankfully it's only half days but I wasn't expecting that to happen so soon so I feel a bit under-prepared. My Mum has been really helpful though and she comes over and helps out whenever she can, I don't think my house has ever looked/been cleaner. I just wish other people would take a page out of her book and help out when they came over instead of expecting us to provide everything. My cousin was the exception to the rule yesterday bringing lunch which was a lifesaver.

So to sum up my little rant: motherhood for me at the moment is tough, I am getting some moments of joy but I think the baby blues have taken over and it doesn't help that I've always been inclined to get teary/unhappy. I'm looking forward to Logan settling down a bit more and me too for that matter.