Friday, June 8, 2012

Escape

So we've moved and guess what, our first morning in and they start work on the vacant block behind :( Pity Logan isn't of the age to appreciate the big yellow trucks but he's young enough to get freaked out by the whole house shaking!

Yesterday I bid farewell to one of my best friends who is off overseas for two years. I'm so excited for her and not sad in the slightest (we'll be visiting them for Halloween). Except tonight I would have given anything to be able to call her up and have a cry but because she's on a plane I'll just have to vent here!

Finally being out on our own doesn't feel like it should and I guess it's because we've moved into my Mum and Step-Dad's house and I now realise it's never going to be our home. Mum is constantly over and keeps saying how we should be unpacked by this weekend. Sure she helps but I still have no idea which cupboards I want to put things and that compounded with uncovering stuff from storage we forgot we had and dealing with Logan (who refuses to entertain himself for longer than 10mins or sleep for longer than 30mons). Thankfully we met one of the neighbors today after getting my new table and chairs delivered (hurrah). He's a stay at home Dad with two little girls and said it took them months, sadly Mum just blew this off...but getting back to the story.

It has been great staying with Mum or my in-laws and getting some extra help but I now realise that it wasn't a good idea. We've both become so dependent on the help so much so that Mum asks if I will be ok being left for 5 minutes with my own son whilst she leaves the room. I don't mean this as in I'm a bad mother I just want to paint the picture.

Mum has gotten way too entangled in my life. Tonight I invited her over because Hubby was out and I knew I'd be lonely. It was going great until she started on my Hubby. It was things I knew about him (you have to ask him to do a lot of stuff he just doesn't see it but when asked he does it) but I could tell she just wanted to have a bitch session about it. She wouldn't stop even after I said that it couldn't be changed (his mum is exactly the same andante I've tried everything it's jut part of his personality) I'd learnt to deal with it. She made it seem like he was hurting me and therefore it was up to her to protect me - by bitching about him to me, not sure how that works and then she went on about how she was concerned for Logan to.

My Husband is forgetful and sometimes doesn't carry through with tasks the way I do but he's amazing in other aspects (always gets up to Logan during the night, does food shopping at the last minute, just to name a few) and I just couldn't believe she would bring all this up. Then when she knew it was hurting me she just kept going and going and going and when I (of course) got upset with her she got angry...

I can't talk to my Hubby about this obviously because then he'll be weird with my Mum and it's pretty obvious she's spoken about this with other people...so, apologies for the vent but does anyone have any suggestions?

I'm tempted to just take a break but she would kill me or turn herself into the 'victim' if I said I wanted a break from her coming over... I realise now that whilst living in your parents house is great it does come with significant issues and even though we've just moved in I'm already itching to move out (which sucks after all this moving back and forth with a baby).

4 comments:

  1. Time! I've got a funny relationship with my mother....so I dont know that I'm much help.
    Unpack things....it isnt until you live somewhere for a bit that you really know where things are going to go best anyway. You can always rearrange them later.

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    1. Great point re-unpacking. I've realised all my decorative stuff will need to stay in boxes because we have nowhere to put it & by the time I get something for that it'll probably be destroyed by Logan!

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  2. Oh this is a hard one. Families can suck right? When faced with a bit of a tricky (and emotional) issue, I ask myself, would I be wanting to still deal with this in 6 months? If the answer is "no, I'd go completely bonkers", I know I need to say something. Unfortunately I have found with my own family, talking it over just tends to escalate things so now if something comes up, I just politely and firmly say "I don't want to talk about this with you, you are hurting my feelings". Sounds harsh but after lots of hurtful experience, I have realised that some of my family members (as lovely as they are) relish being a bit negative about people/ life/ events.

    Also forgive this bossy sister part but you are also probably much more tired than you realise so you will be feeling more tender than normal. All the more reason to not get into any argy-bargy but also to forestall any future conversations of the same ilk. xxxx

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    1. I definitely need a bit of bossy sister love :) seeing as that's usually my role! Definitely going to use that if it does come up again, we've sort of moved forward which is good but we haven't really addressed it. Hopefully Mum can just deal with it now that we've moved out and she's said her bit!

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