Sunday, August 15, 2010

Insane

I've always thought I might be a little bit crazy. I've always had jealousy issues (although never regarding the Hubby) and I always want to please everyone and make everyone like me.
One of my biggest pet peeves is selfish and or mean people and I have a few of those in my life at the moment. I will never understand how people can be that way yet still be adored by everyone. It's the current problem I've got with my sister-in-law and one that I've had with my little sister but she's actually growing up and getting better!

At the moment I feel like I'm at the bottom rung with the Hubby's family and it has nothing to do with anything I've done. Everyone just seems to treat the sister-in-law like the sunshines out of you know where! There's been numerous occasions where she's been rude to me and one big one where she was a complete bitch. Everyone always comes to her defence (except Hubby) and it drives me insane that they all like her more than me. It also doesn't help that she's the one providing all the grandchildren at the moment which immediately makes her number one in my MiL's eyes. I know I just have to get over it but it's difficult because I've been on the scene longer than she has so it's a relativly new feeling.
Writing this I realise I sound like one of the older siblings who gets pushed to the side by the younger one haha. So, I do have a brain that can be rational but, no matter what I tell myself, I can't help having these feelings and it SUCKS!

I try not to discuss it with Hubby because afterall it is his family. But he's really good with me about it and sometimes he'll agree and say yes you're right to feel that way and other times he gets concerned that I'm so focused about it. Literally I feel like I'm always trying to one-up her which is silly and there's no reason for me to be jealous of her life at all!
Plus I realise how much I'm wasting these awesome years by being jealous of someone that really shouldn't matter to me at all. It's like that old saying goes, you can't pick your family. I'm trying at the moment to just ignore/avoid and hope that I can train myself back to sanity but who knows! I just want to be happy and focused on myself and my brand new marriage.

I guess all of this sprouted from watching the first couple of episodes of Mad Men where January Jones' character goes to a shrink. I'm a bit slow on the uptake but I love that show!

4 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you are going through this! Jealousy sucks and I tend to get jealous more often than I would like. I just try to remind myself that things are not always what they seem. The people in my life that I had been the most jealous of seem to go through really rough times and make me realize how truly lucky I am.

    Keep trying to focus on the positives. Look at your wedding pictures or make a list of all the wonderful things in your life. Those things seem to help me when I get jealous.

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  2. Hey! I just stumbled across your blog. I think what you are describing is something that is totally rational and human, especially for a female. Hell, we've all felt like that from time to time. Don't be too worried about her, sounds like you are the better person anyway!
    Lady G
    www.gabriellelynne.blogspot.com

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  3. Thanks girls.

    It's just so frustating. I've started a wonderful things list Becs fingers crossed it helps a bit :)

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  4. I hate it when I feel jealous. Sometimes it seems to come from nowhere. When it strikes I try to break it down, and look inwards and figure out why that person/situation/scenario is such a sore spot for me.

    When I am feeling confident the negative things other people say or do hardly matter to me, but when Im feeling insecure I will feel really affected by the people around me.

    I think your plan of focusing on your own happiness and your brand new marriage is a great idea and try not to think of your relationship with your Sister in Law as a competition.

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